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My first career was working as a Ventriloquist on a Radio Program, I got let go when people kept calling in to say my lips were moving.........
Guns don`t kill people. Girls who get tagged in a photo before they get a chance to see it kill people.
You know you`re old when you think "pokemon" is a gay rastafarian
Scientists discover that caterpillars can whistle. Am I the only one wondering if they`re concentrating their efforts on the wrong things?
Plumbers should keep busy this week now that No Shave November is over..
Please don’t take anything I say personal or too seriously. I’m just an idiot with internet access.
Group Therapy: listening to ALL your voices.
Who`s this "moderation" people keep telling me to drink with?
Coffee, you`re on the bench ... Alcohol suit up!!
It takes patience to listen, it takes skill to pretend you’re listening.
Im afraid to go outside or even sit next to a window during an lightening storm. Im afraid that I`ll get zapped! I`m scared that God is gonna get me!!!
9 out of 10 times, if you call the 1-800 number printed on a consumer product, the person who answers won`t tell you what they`re wearing.
I was all ears until you said something that sounded like advice.
Dear Dr Phil, I was watching my next door neighbor`s wife sunbathing topless from my bedroom window. As I was enjoying myself I turned to notice my lady was just standing there, arms folded...watching me. Is she a pervert?
My son wants to be a shrink when he grows up... Clearly I`ve failed to teach him our family`s place in the psychiatric process...