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A Girl Scout made headlines when she sold cookies outside a Colorado pot shop. There’s no word on how she plans to spend her first million.
That weird moment when u just say "what`s up " to someone and they thing you`re a shrink.
If you sneeze near an atheist, they just say "science appreciates you".
I bet aliens would visit us more if Will Smith didn`t punch them in the head as soon as they got here.
You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.
I can take care of my drunk friends, so the responsibility of having children doesn`t worry me.
I hate it when I write a sarcastic Facebook status and someone who doesn’t speak sarcasm has to comment and ruin it.
This Kit Kat commercial is making some awfully big assumptions about both my generosity and my number of friends.
I`m not saying I can perform miracles or anything, but when the Taco Bell employee isn`t looking,, I can turn water into Sprite.
They say that when one door closes, another one opens. Apparently, "they" have never been to jail.
I don`t feel like folding the laundry, so I just restart the dryer
Rest area restrooms are weird. The guy in stall next to me has four feet.
Remember when you thought you’d have it all together by the time you were the age you are now? LOL
New parent: I can`t believe how awesome my baby is. 10 years later: Wow, they sure do grow up fast...10 years later: Seriously, get the f*ck out of my house!!
Of course I know right from wrong. Wrong is the fun one.