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wonders how you can knock sense into someone when you`re beating them senseless?
I have short term memory. I also like to fish. Also, I have short term memory.
My kids can be difficult sometimes, but my mom always assures me that I deserve it.
Men are like cheap dishes - easily broken & completely replaceable!
To get laid is good. To get off is good. To get laid off is bad.
Fart jokes ain`t funny, they stink.
* feels winds of change * realizes it`s just a hole in my shorts
Ever have to poop and your abdominals start to relax just as you near the toilet, and then you notice that `Out of Order` sign or the empty toilet paper dispenser?
If my girl didn`t want me to wear her new Christmas thong, she shouldn`t have said she bought it "for me." Women are confusing.
If a guy remembers the color of your eyes after the first date, you know you have small boobs
Our brain took two billion years to evolve. Two billion trips around the Sun. All so humans can use it to look at kittens on the Internet.
Ever notice your Christmas stocking has just enough room for chocolates and a bottle of wine. Coincidence? I don`t think soooo.
I don`t know about you, but I`ve thought about running away more as an adult than I ever did as a child.
Apparently telling the airline stewardess that airplane food is "da bomb dat hijacked my tastebuds" is not considered a compliment......
Weekends will from now on begin on Wednesday because that is when it should truly begin!