Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
We should do this “3-day weekend” thing more often.
Children fill a void in your life that you never knew existed. And promptly destroy everything else.
I will never understand why my fridge has a drawing of a carrot on the beer drawer.
As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I remind myself that you cant always trust Google maps
My bank balance is a constant reminder that I`m safe from identity theft
I never sign anything until I pretend to read it first..
Lucky Charms should be 98% Marshmallows and 2% of that other sh*t.
Checked my bank balance at the ATM and was happy to see I had 707 dollars in it until I realized I was holding the receipt upside down and it said LOL instead.
Why am I always right but people still ignore me...?
I really just need a vodka cranberry and a slap on the a$$. Hold the cranberry.
Worried that you may have a stalker? Shut up and just be happy someone likes you.
No one your age has any idea what they`re doing either. No matter what age you are.
Just assume that we aren’t close enough for you to send me a game invites on Facebook.
Some days I just wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once.
Women forgive and forget but always make sure you don`t forget that they forgave you and forgot about it.