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Sorry I referred to your baby shower as a gift extortion party.
the jeremy kyle show, the only place you`ll see a six month old baby with more teeth than thier parents
You can look at some people and instantly know they’re only going to get two awards in life, a birth and a death certificate.
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don`t know what he laced them with, but I`ve been tripping all day.
The best thing about online classes is the beer.
I sometimes ask myself, "What would Jesus do?", and then I think, Jesus wouldn`t be caught up in this sh*t.
It`s bigger on the inside..said no woman, ever!
Welcome to our nearly empty restaurant. Please follow me to our worst table.
Girls with tattoos on your tits, Why? We`re already looking at them.
Did you know? If you were to watch all of the Saw films, it would take you 666 minutes?
I just assume that when a restaurant automatically adds 15% to the bill for a tip that the service is going to suck.
Nobody wished me a happy birthday today, which isn´t surprising really, since it isn´t my birthday.
"I smell carrots. Do you smell carrots? `cause I smell carrots..." ~ Snowmen.
A guide to hating people. Step 1: get to know them.
There`s no WE in pizza.