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You can’t believe everything you hear, but you can repeat it.
OK. So I danced like no one was watching. Anyone know a good lawyer?
Sometimes I think of something so wrong and inappropriate that my little black heart skips a beat with delight.
I`m not an asshole, I`m just the only one who has the balls to say what everyone else is thinking.
Another day, another chance to make someone say, "Oh, now that`s just WRONG"...
You look like you only got about 5 of your 8 hours of beauty sleep last night...
Roses are red, violets are blue. god made me pretty,what happened to you?
Some people just lack the ability to realize that everyone in the room wants them to shut up.
I`ve got my wise-ass in my smartypants so I`m ready for anything!
Apparently everyone was too high in the 70`s when Grease came out to notice that every "student" at Rydell High looked like they were 35
I just replaced the can of air freshener in the office bathroom with an air horn. And now we wait....
Hell hath no fury like a girl tagged in an unapproved pic on Facebook.
My wife asks me to remind her about stuff. That way if she forgets something, it`s my fault.
I hate fake people...especially the ones at the mall advertising clothes in front of the stores
I saw a sign that said "watch for children" and I thought, "That sounds like a fair trade"