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Running on two hours of sleep Iām either way too happy or violently homicidal.
I`m an outdoorsy kind of guy, I like to drink beer outdoors
I know this will probably piss off a bunch of people I know, but what makes someone good at fishing?!? Seriously, all you did was wait longer.
When I was kid, I... No wait, I still do that.
I need a new refrigerator ... There`s no food in mine.
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Red, Trees Are Red ... F*ck? my gardens on fire!
I spend 60%of my day worrying that I might have mustard on my face or clothing. The other 40% I am eating mustard.
I`m watching Godzilla tonight.... His parents asked me to babysit
Life really is all down-hill once you get to big too ride in the shopping cart
Never make the same mistake twice, There are so many new ones, Try a different one each day.
Better late than pregnant.
My haters only have one advantage over me. They can kiss my a$$, I can`t.
Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
The best way to hang up on someone is to do it in the middle of your own sentence, that way they will just think you lost service.
If by time, you mean vodka, then yes, time does heal all wounds.