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I drink to make other people interesting
Walmart killed the traveling circus.
I dance like people wish they weren`t watching.
I need my coffee before I start pretending to work.
Before Instagram, I used to waste so much time sitting around having to imagine what my friends` food looked like.
Anyone else has a plastic bag at home full of plastic bags?
When are they going to drug test the audience of "The Price Is Right."? No one is that happy
I sure do feel a whole lot more attractive at WalMart than I do at the gym.
I like to go to a strangers house tell them you used to live there and that your grandfather hid money somewhere in the house and just leave.
I see subway employees are still having their "how much lettuce can you fit on a sandwich" contest.
RIGHT NOW YOU HAVE: 3 fingers behind your phone, your pinky tucked under for support and your scrolling with your thumb! LIKE if I’m right!
Meanwhile on Facebook someone has made a casserole....
the only way I know something is bad for me is if I like it
Wouldn’t it be a smart idea? To make the sticky part on envelopes taste like chocolate?
I think abs are for guys that don`t have the confidence to wear a nice T-shirt to the pool.