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Got caught up in a really good book last night. I didn`t stop coloring till 2 o`clock this morning.
Boobs are a lot like train sets, they were meant for kids, but dad always ends up wanting to play with them.
Karate is just a violent way of making people smell your feet.
I love how when your watching a crime show and they have to tell you that "this is a reenactment" oh really? you mean you didn`t actually catch the murder on video?
Had a nice, relaxing weekend. I now have ample energy to hate Monday and most of Tuesday.
I’m that kind of person who between two choices always pick the wrong one.
Always finish your beer. There`s sober kids in Africa.
The only instant messaging I enjoy is with my middle finger.
Really don`t see the need for pants for the rest of this day. :)
Guys say that women should come with instructions, but what`s the point. Have you ever seen a man read instructions?
I broke up with my gym, we were just not working out.
Have you ever thought about how weird it is that one of your hands is dumber than the other?
When the zombie apocalypse happens, I’m going to blast Michael Jackson’s “Thriller”, while the zombies chase us, just to lighten the mood.
Occasionally, I like to take a look through my old status updates and smile at my sparkling wit.
Mix it up a little. Text a random phone number the following msg: "The fat one won`t fit into the woodchipper. What do you want me to do?"