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is 100% sure that you are looking at my status. (:
Pizza: nah, Sex: eh, Drinking: no thanks, It`s so hard thinking of what to give up for Lent...
I think I really have an amazing butt. Every time I talk to someone and start walking off they say "what an ass.."
Never wake a sleeping woman. Because then she´ll be awake.
Bend over and take it like a taxpayer.
When I say "It’s a long story," it doesn’t mean it’s actually a long story. It means I just don’t want to tell you.
I`m sorry but, I could not hear you over the sound of my internal hope that you would shut the f*ck up.
You can`t fix stupid, but you can watch it in action on Facebook every day.
I heard she was born naked!! That slut!
I told my family that I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle…So, they got up, unplugged my computer, and threw out my wine.
I enjoy a bit of unnecessary swearing as much as the next f*cker.
Pokémon means a totally different thing if you`re stuck in prison.
My therapist told me I`m nuts. I said "I wanted a second opinion." She said "Well ok, you`re ugly too."
I’m always disappointed when a liar’s pants don’t actually catch on fire.
If only losing weight was as easy as losing my cell phone, my keys, my temper, or even my mind ... I`d be SO skinny!