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People, like prescription drugs, should have to list the side effects they`re likely to cause.
From 8am until 12pm, my job basically pays me to think about what I am going to have for lunch.
You know why you like me ... Cause your f*ckin crazy too!!!
You can pretty much text anything as long as you put a happy face emoticon afterwards. You`re a slut :)
It`s so cold Miley Cyrus got her toungue stuck on her wrecking ball
If you are naughty go to your room, if you wanna be naughty go to mine :)
Marriage is just a 50 year long negotiation over thermostat settings.
I hate it when I mean to buy seedless grapes but instead I accidentally get...well you know...Oreos.
If life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.
To the makers of rice cakes; thanks for nothing!
I have no interest in skydiving. I get enough of an adrenaline rush hoping my debit card goes through.
Some people need a shock collar. I need the remote.
The push-up bra: the strangely acceptable female equivalent of a rolled up sock stuffed in men`s underwear.
I`m "BE KIND & REWIND" years old.
One problem with auto-correct is that you always end up posting some thong you didn`t Nintendo.