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How can so many movies be “based on real events” when no one farts?
Helpful Tip: A ceiling fan won`t cut a bagel in half ... Not even on top speed
is actually feeling pretty much okay about not accomplishing anything this year.
Sometimes I like to hold the door for people who are far away so they feel obligated to run just a little. ;)
I’m not so much goofing off as impersonating upper management.
A lot of attractive people are like nice cars with the check engine light on.
I am 5 for 5 on popping my trunk instead of unlocking the fuel door at the gas station.
I`m great at making pancakes and women uncomfortable.
So people buy cookie dough and bake it?.... What the hell?
If it`s true that spiders are more scared of me than I am of them, why have I never seen a spider crawl away screaming like a little girl?
I just put Santa hats on all my Halloween decorations.
Christmas is over. We now return to our regularly scheduled self centered lives already in progress.
Time to try some of this candy from the Easter "bunny"... Can`t trust anything you find laying in the yard these days.
The wifes exhausted as she`s had some hot steamy action lately, But at least the ironing basket is empty
The squirrels must be gathering nuts. Three of my neighbors have disappeared.