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Dear children, when you look under your bed, what exactly are you planning to do when you find me? Sincerely, The Monster.
People that walk behind cars get exhausted
This beer tastes like future mistakes.
Is your GPS supposed to sigh before it says "Recalculating"?
What`s a burnt pizza, frozen beer, & a pregnant girl have in common? In each scenario, there`s a dumb guy who didn`t take it out in time.
You know you`re getting old when speed limits start to seem reasonable to you.
I don`t understand why people have to "get ready" for bed....I`m always ready for bed.
Hockey is much better if you imagine the teams are fighting over the world’s last Oreo.
You don`t know broke until you`ve rinsed off a paper plate.
“I wish there was a more convenient way to stalk others”- The phrase that started Facebook.
If you have no internet history you silently admit wrong doing.
I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and then six months later you have to do it all over again.
Johnny : Pull my finger Tommy : No Johnny: "Come Bro Do IT!!" Tommy : fine ... Johnny : *SNEEZE IN THE FACE*
Now that I think about it... Facebook became popular ever since I made an account.
Alice in Wonderland taught me to drink things that I`m unsure of