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When`s it gonna be the 4th of July? I feel like blowin somethin` up and not gettin` arrested.
Do you ever think that if it weren`t for someone smoking Marijuana they might of killed you already. . .
Remember the days when water was free and you had to pay for porn?
Just because they sell yoga pants in XXL doesn`t mean it`s ok to wear them in public.
I failed the emergency broadcast test. My apologies to all the employees I shoved to the ground while screaming
Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: To propagate authoritarianism and generate revenue for the state? Cop: ...
I used to have a life. Then some idiot came along and said "Why don’t you make a Facebook account? It`s fun".
I dont know about you guys, but I am amazed Pringles is able to constantly grow the same shaped potato. Science.
Some people come into our lives & leave footprints on our hearts. Others come into our lives & make us wanna leave footprints on their face...
I wasn`t that drunk! "Bro, you went to the train station, smashed yourself against the wall, while yelling, Hogwarts here I come!"
Life is just a series of obstacles preventing you from taking a nap.
People would believe everything I say.. if it wasn`t for everything I say.
I have read so much about the dangers of drinking and smoking, that i have decided to quit reading
That awkward moment when you remember something funny, and can’t stop smiling like an idiot.
every woman iz beautuful n her unique way, smtimz it needs sm amount of alcohol to see with