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My first mistake was thinking she couldn`t hit a moving target.
PLEASE - put this on your status if you know someone (or are related to someone) who has been eaten by dragons. Dragons are nearly unstoppable and, in case you didn`t know, they can also breathe fire. 93% of people won`t copy and paste this, because they have already been eaten by dragons. 6% of people are sitting in the shower armed with fire extinguishers and the remaining 1% are awesome and will re-post.
Kinda bummed that every Christmas for the last 12 years, I`ve been way too drunk to remember all the good times and the laughter we shared. Well, I leaned my lesson. It`s time to get my act together for the family. This Christmas, I`m hiring a cameraman.
Facebook is basically just you having a conversation with yourself hoping that someone else will join in.
Every day can be palm Sunday if you`re a single guy
Don`t hide your feelings. Hide the evidence.
I take so many things with a grain of salt that I`m surprised I don`t have high blood pressure.
Gaining weight while you owe me money is a sign of disrespect
I know karate, jujitsu, judo, taekwondo and 28 other dangerous words. Still wanna` mess with me?
You can`t make everyone happy, so just concentrate on me.
I believe that every person has a story to tell...which is why I stay at home.
Robots can do anything we set their mind to
Marrying your high school sweetheart is like taking the banker`s first offer on Deal or No Deal.
I don`t use cocaine, I just like the way it smells.
Hysterical Shrieking should be reserved for truly serious situations such as Centipedes, Spiders, and that Creepy Uncle that likes to give everyone back rubs.....