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My salad pic. got more likes than your selfie.
I don`t necessarily enjoy being the bad influence...but hey, somebody has to do it!
Is it rude to throw a breath mint in someone`s mouth while they are talking?
Dear, automatic flushing toilet, I appreciate the enthusiasm.... But I wasn`t finished.
I just realized that the only time I`m good at dancing is when I`m about to pee my pants
Pac-Man taught me that you can eat ghosts if you take enough pills.
There`s no panic like trying to press "End" when you make an accidental call.
I`ve made up my mind, I`m not giving up anything for Lent, I`m no quitter...
just realised SATURDAY has the word TURD in it
I don`t think any of my vampire jokes will ever see the light of day.
bitches want what they cant have..or thats what I keep telling myself
Pringles should make their containers like a Push Up Pop.
My wife just changed here facebook status from "Married" to "widowed", should I be scared?
I have nothing!
I can`t figure out why everyone calls me a smart-ass. Is it because I`m smart and have a great ass?