Daily Silly Status

My driver`s side window stopped working,,,, So yeah,, I`m probably gonna starve to death..

When people ask me what I`m going to be on Halloween, the answer is always the same: really drunk

If I could go back in time I would put cheese on a lot more things.

“Swearing is unattractive” I’m not attractive anyway so f*ck off

How to make a Vodka Christmas cake. . (Made mine this morning!!!!) 1 cup sugar, 1 tsp. baking powder, 1 cup water, 1 tsp. salt , 1 cup brown sugar, Lemon juice, 4 large eggs, Nuts, 1......bottle Vodka, 2 cups dried fruit. Sample a cup of Vodka to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the Vodka again to be... sure it is of the highest quality then Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point, it is best to

is admitting to pushing Humpty Dumpty, he had it coming!!

I wonder who the first person was to look at a beehive and think, "those bastards are hiding something delicious in there, I know it!"

People with jobs: It`s Friday!!! People without jobs: It`s Friday?

At work, sometimes I secretly brew decaf coffee in the normal pot so that everyone else works at my pace.

A vegan friend on FB said if we had to kill our own food, we wouldn`t eat meat... I think if he had to build his own computer he couldn`t whine on FB.

There are more important things in life than Facebook and Twitter, like watching TV and having a beer.

everyone has that one crazy person in there family...but in my case everyone is just as crazy as i am!XD

Pizza will never tell you you`re fat unless you`re high as sh!t, then pizza is probably suggesting you fight an aardvark to lose weight.

I surveyed 100 women on what shampoo they prefer while showering 95% said How the hell did you get in here!!!

I hate it when people tell me I look young for my age because it implies my age is old.