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I put mirrors on the ceiling because I like to see how I look when I`m eating pizza alone.
FYI : My post aren`t directed at anyone in particular...so should anyone be offended by them, I say if the shoe fits ... Wear It!!!!!
I got some new underwear. Well, new to me...
So much to say. So not drunk enough to say it.
No matter what the product, a good way to throw off an aggressive salesman is to interrupt him and ask, “Yes, but does it work on cats?”
I think I will start calling my wife "My Customer" since she is always right...
If pigs could fly.. Would I be able to get high on bacon?
I just saved a ton of $ on Christmas presents by discussing politics on FB.
Attractive Woman: What time is it? Me: Haha. Yeah definitely
If women are so perfect at multitasking, how come they can`t have a headache and sex at the same time?
I like to follow random families around Disneyland for a day and just be in the background of all their photos.
Talk to your kids about drugs. Maybe they have better connections than you.
If your dog is fat it means that you don`t get enough exercise.
If I`m ever in the hospital on Life Support, don`t just pull the plug. Pull it and plug it back in. Basically, see if you can reboot me.
I`ve decided to start taking more supplements: calcium pills for my bones, ginkgo pills for my memory, milk thistle for my liver, ginkgo pills for my memory...