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Ever had sex while camping!? It`s intents!
A psychiatrist is just a friend you pay to listen to your problems because your other friends are tired of hearing about them.
My death bed confession is going to be epic!
I decided to tell the kids that Santa is made up but nighttime home invasions are very real.
"Grapey." -me after every wine at the wine-tasting
It’s strange to think that the sound of nature is the sound of millions of animals desperately trying to get laid.
Dear sneeze, If you`re gonna happen, happen. Don`t put a stupid look on my face and leave
It’s what’s on the inside that counts, unless you’re talking about one of those hollow chocolate bunnies.
Sometime you have to hand it to short people ... because they can`t reach.
Some of my friendships are bad for my liver.
I checked my horoscope today and all I can say is ...WOW!! I`m a Taurus and I looked it up and sure enough,it says I was born between 4/21-5/21!! Well played horoscope, well played.
I may not have any friends but at least I know my cat will never ask me to help him move
My kid go from "omg...you`re impossible I can`t wait until I`m 18!" To "You`re the best mom ever" in a matter of $100
change your birthday on facebook to today, see how many people say happy birthday for APRIL FOOLS!!!! lol
Be Poor... Its Cheaper :)