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My day at work wasn`t easy, I just made it look that way!
Why is it that when you work very hard, you say you are working like a dog? Every dog I`ve ever known is lazy and sleeps 16 hours a day.
Self-Checkout lanes were invented by a guy who was sent out to buy tampons.
I always give my extra money to Charity. She is usually on the main stage around 11pm.
Jodi Arias dating O J Simpson now that would be a hell of a relationship
I need a better plan of action when my phone rings than throwing it.
received a call saying that my son had been lying in school, and was being expelled. I don´t have a son. That kid is one damn good liar.
Good for you, people that do things.
I’m glad you spent $80 on makeup to look like a $5 whore. Well done
Apparently, you shouldn’t ask your wife if she’s off her meds more than once a week…
Turns out a crash diet doesn`t mean having vodka with every meal and falling down the stairs!
Ask not what your father can do for you, but what you can do for your father. Happy Fathers Day!
I’m in a rush to go home and do absolutely nothing.
Dear karma, I have a list of people you missed.
Life is too short for fake butter, cheese or people.