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I`ve ended up encountering much less porridge than I had expected I would as a child.
Don’t text and drive. You don’t want “lol” to be the last thing you say before you die.
If you rub two sticks together fast enough, you`ll eventually start a widespread panic on the subway.
If you workout and don`t post a status about it on Facebook, do you still lose weight?
Don`t be scared of the government shutdown, liquor stores are run by the states.
Leave the past behind. Smile every day. Never wear underwear. I don`t know. Inspirational statuses are hard.
United Airlines.... Board as Doctor, leave as patient.
Its not you, it`s how you don`t make me sandwiches.
When everything else fails... you always have delusion.
If you can´t read this, you´re illiterate.
I may be crazy but I say if you can`t talk to yourself, who can you talk to.
Y`all are gonna lose your minds when Donald Trump eats a Snickers and turns into Bernie Sanders.
Karma means I can rest easy at night knowing all the people I treated badly had it coming.
Is there any way to really know how many camouflage shirts are in your house?
No matter how compelling and convincing the other person’s argument is, you can always win a debate by adding “yeah, but still” at the end.