Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If Jehovah`s witnesses brought pizza and beer with them, I`d gladly let them in to spend an afternoon chatting about religion.
The word "Lovers" bums me out unless it`s between the words "Meat" and "Pizza".
Some women need to realize that showing cleavage doesn`t fix your face.
Inside me is a skinny person screaming to get out. But he shuts up when I eat cake.
I was sad, because I had no shoes. Until I met a man that had no feet. So, I took his shoes, cuz hey, he wan`t using them anyway!
A married man has 2 options in an argument...he can be right or he can be happy
My math is never so quick or exact as when I see an old flame with a child.
Safe words are for quitters.
My ex warned me that I would never find a girl like her again....THANK GOD!
I couldn`t be on a reality show because I wouldn`t want my mom to see how many times I make the jerk-off motion when we talk on the phone
Siblings – the only people who will pick on you and then kick the a$$es of anyone else who does it.
Dear Stomach: You`re bored, not hungry. Shut up.
Damn, it`s like these people have never seen anyone bring a flask to the gym before.
You`re really cute, can I suck the life out of you? - women
Monday?! But, I wasnt even finished with Saturday yet.