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If sex is said to be the best exercise, than why are there no fitness clubs for that. Now there`s idea. . .
No body on there deathbed said I wish I had spent more time at work
According to these court documents, the way to a woman`s heart isn`t through her bedroom window.
To the woman that won the powerball ... "what`s up baby"
I`m having one of those days where my middle finger is answering every question!!!
All alcohol will make my clothes fall off… tequila just makes that happen in public.
If “dress for the job you want” were true, there would be a lot more people wearing capes.
Keep your friends close and your fat friends closer, because snacks.
I only use shampoo that smells like raspberries so people don`t think it`s weird when I have jam in my hair.
The secret to a successful lemonade stand is vodka.
Why don`t the post office get the Jehovah`s Witnesses to deliver the mail on Saturday? Work smarter not harder people.
Why are police men so strong? Because they hold up traffic.
My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy. I came back drunk.
I was voted `Most Paranoid` by my classmates at school. Although they never admitted it.
I swear, its like EVERY payday I gotta spend money cause there`s a birthday party to go to, a wedding, a baby shower, a new video game, a new stripper, something. Always something...