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Me, watching the Olympics: "That was impressive." Announcer: "ANOTHER DISASTROUS MISTAKE!"
The Wizard of Oz is really just a cautionary tale about the lengths a woman will go to for the right shoes.
There’s both a McDonald’s and a blood pressure machine in this Walmart. Circle of life.
Do bees even have knees?
I`m a wealth of knowledge ... Unless you want it to be true, then I`m pretty solid on about 6 topics ... 2 of those might just be Doritos flavors
When in doubt, take a nap.
Dating someone based only on looks is so shallow. Consider other things, like, do they have a lot of money.
My inner child has a bottle of vodka in one hand, a whip in the other and a broken halo sticking out of her back pocket.
Is it annoying when people answer their own questions? Yes it is. Do I wish they would stop? Absolutely.
I don`t need an excuse to drink, but thank you for giving me one.
It`s awkward when I have to pull someone aside and point out that my fly is open.
Life gets expensive when you trust a woman that`s cute.
Don`t feel bad if you don`t enjoy my posts. The important thing to remember is that I do. I enjoy all of them. That`s what matters.
Sometimes I wonder if I could get away with murder, but then I remember I can’t even eat pancakes without getting syrup all over me.
They say children are a gift from god. I`m totally wide-open to regifting.