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Ha = I didn`t find that funny. Haha = That was funny. Hahahahaha = I want to sleep with you.
I don’t understand the point of lap-dancing clubs. If I wanted a woman to take all my money and sexually frustrate me, I’d stay at home with the wife.
If Freud was alive today he would probably be awesome at telling "Yo Momma" jokes.
All I heard was, " I swear it`ll be funny" and then we were in jail.
"I`ll let you know" = I need more time to come up with an excuse
I need to stop making things more complicated than they need to be. I`m adding that to my bucket Power Point presentation.
New College Admissions Test ______ not getting into this college: A. Your B. Ur C. You`re D. U`re
I think a good gauge of my personality is that I watch Homeland to relax.
If your phone gets wet, try putting it in a bag of dry rice. At night the rice will attract Asians who will fix your phone for you.
Why are there no owls here? I Was lead to believe there would by owls here. #hooters
Have you ever loved someone so much deep in your heart, you wanted to keep them hidden from the world and all to yourself? Well, apparently its called kidnapping.
I started drinking a little early. Yesterday, to be more precise.
My new diet is not buying things at the store that make the cashier say wow someone`s having a party
Best part of living alone...clothing optional ;)
If you love something, feed it so much that it get’s too fat for anyone else to want.