Mobile App Coming Soon - Daily Silly Status

Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

I had s*x with my friend`s wife last night and now I feel awful. She must have had the flu or something.
I love how stars are billions of miles apart and we`re like "that`s a soup ladle".
Dude, I can`t post AND know when the light turns green. I`m pretty, not magical.
I hate Russian nesting dolls. They`re so full of themselves
Just took a "Try Me" sticker off one of the plush toys at Wal-Mart and stuck it on a condom box.
Women say they love nerds until you whip out your Pokemon cards.
Me at age 5 "I wish I had a $1" Me at age 10 "I wish I had $100" Me at age 17 "I wish I had $1,000,000" Me at age 26 "I wish I had $1"
I keep graphic, full frontal nude pictures of myself on my cell phone in case anyone ever hacks it. That`ll teach `em.
That awkward moment when you`re telling the truth, but start laughing like crazy and everyone thinks you`re lying.
I sure do feel a whole lot more attractive at WalMart than I do at the gym.
Hopefully because of social networking, I`ve tarnished my reputation enough for anybody to ever place me in a role of great responsibility.
How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box for me to start a campfire?
If nobody hates you, you are doing something boring.
Smile. It makes people wonder what youΒ΄re up to.
I have a tattoo of a gigantic bruise on my left ankle in case anyone ever asks me to go hiking. Or help them move.