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If anyone tells you that you drink to much on the weekends. Stop talking to them...you don`t need that kind of negativity in your life
The black sheep always have the best stories.
Is it rude to throw a breath mint in someone`s mouth while they are talking?
why do wise people never make wisecracks?
It`s finally here! .. That time of year when my seasonal depression turns into just regular depression.
If every porkshop was perfect, we wouldn`t have hot dogs.
Called AA by mistake. Those drunks can`t change a tire for sh*t.
I`m at the age where an "all-nighter" just means I didn`t have to get up to pee.
When I die I want Charlie Sheen’s life to flash before my eyes.
My motto is "Never say never." Which makes it difficult to tell people my motto...
Mister Rogers didn’t adequately prepare me for the people in my neighborhood.
Just heard someone pronounce the H in wheel so I`m gonna need a minute
The problem with money is that too much of it belongs to people who aren’t me.
I guess if you spoke your mind, you´d be speechless, huh?
Intelligence is like underwear. It`s important that you have it but there`s no need to show it off.