Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The discharge paperwork at the hospital seems to be expedited a little quicker if you roam up and down the hall with the back of your hospital gown untied.
Whenever I check my weight, I always subtract 5 pounds. I don`t think that boobs and brains this fabulous should count against me.
Could you guys just scroll a little? I was really funny yesterday.
When I say "It’s a long story" It usually means I just don’t want to tell you it.
I cant afford a Snuggie so I just wear my robe backwards...
When I find it, I don’t need it. When I need it, I can’t find it…
I love bacon because I can wrap it around everything. Essentially, it`s the duct tape of food.
This police sketch artist has no idea that he`s about to draw me as the most bad ass Batman caricature ever.
I`m not antisocial. I`m pro leave-me-the-hell-alone.
Like a glow stick, sometimes we have to break before we shine.
Sir, no food allowed in the dressing rooms.` ... what, am I supposed to just guess the pop tart capacity of these cargo shorts before I buy?
I run a non-profit company. It`s not for a good cause or anything, I`m just not very good at business.
You ever think that maybe the reason geese are always honking is because they`re flying too close together?
We`re like hot chocolate and marshmallows. You`re hot, and I wanna be on top of you.
When 12 year old girls call each other honey and sweet heart...