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I`m at my most judgmental when standing behind someone in a buffet line.
I’ve found if you tuck one part of a pants leg into your sock, people expect less of you.
if there wasn´t a last minute I´d never get anything done.
Do bees even have knees?
It`s not a walk of shame if you leave on a pogo stick.
I solve my problems by blatantly ignoring them and going on the internet.
Just moisturized my hands and now I can`t get out of the bathroom. Send help.
justin bieber
The hardest part about being an adult is trying to hide how you`re still a child.
I’ve always wanted to climb Mt. Everest…just not more than I don’t want to.
I`m switching to Metric. I would weigh a lot less on the Metric scale.
"Half a dozen" because saying `6` is way too long...
Crazy is like diarrhea. You can only hold it in for so long.
It’s a status….not your diary…
I`m using voice-to-text to post this status. All I do is talk and it makes a text out of it. It`s really cool... Hey! What are you doing? That`s my phone! Give it back! Come back here, you son of a...