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"I have almost $67 in the bank!" sounded a lot more impressive when I was 12.
Got a problem with me? I’m pretty sure a status on Facebook won’t fix it.
K-Y should be called K-WHEN, because we already know why.
Hunting is easier for vegans because it’s easier to sneak up on plants.
Call me old fashioned but I prefer women with eyebrows made out of hair
A newly wed guy asked me about marriage. I told him it’s sort of like a museum. You have to be quiet and you can’t really touch anything.
Note to self: don’t set your password reminder as “you should know this”
After much thought and careful consideration, I`ve decided not to do a damn thing today.
Sometimes Late at night. I rearrange traffic signs. People need to be challenged.
I`d bite my nails less if there wasn`t always chocolate frosting under them.
no one is perfect thats why pencil have eraser
Example of the difference between `You`re`and `Your`: 1. "You`re nuts" = "You are nuts" 2. "Your nuts" = "What about my nuts?"
Some mornings it`s best to just fill the sink with coffee, dunk your head in it, and suck.
Lessons learned from last night: There is no such thing as a goalie in darts.
What did the crop say to the farmer? Stop picking on me