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I bought a $300 dollar tent so I can camp outside Best Buy for 3 days to save $20 on a TV.
If you need to rush somewhere, carry a fire extinguisher. Nobody will stop a person running with a fire extinguisher.
Why do people with really bad breath always want to tell you secrets?
I`ve been told my posts are too depressing but what does it matter. We`ll all be dead soon anyway.
Deadliest Catch and Jersey Shore - two reality tv shows about catching crabs
In light of recent events, I have no choice but to deduct a full star from my Yelp review of Earth.
My bank balance is a constant reminder that I`m safe from identity theft
It`s too bad parallel lines never meet because they have so much in common.
Don`t let the propeller hat fool you... I have no idea how to fly this plane.
Finally, my winter fat is gone, now all I have are spring rolls.
Whenever my wife sings I have to go outside. Not to get away from her, but to prove to my neighbors I`m not beating her.
Top three reasons he doesn`t text you back: 1. He`s just not that into you 2. He`s imaginary 3. He`s a cat
You`re only young once but you can be immature forever!
Honey, You really don`t need to drive me crazy, I am close enough to walk.
Subway only exists because we`re all too damn lazy to throw a sandwich together. "Could you lay meat on that bread for me? Here`s $8."