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Sometimes you have to burn a few bridges, to stop the weirdos from following you.
Yes, your opinion matters ... But not to me.
There is a huge difference between a hot girl and a girl wearing lesser clothes.
The early bird gets the worm but the second mouse gets the cheese.
That Awkward Moment when you Greet you Brother on some random website. Brett to Daniel. sup Lerch!
Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
People hear my southern accent and automatically assume I`m stupid. Let me tell you something right now. That is just a coincidence.
The hardest job in the world must be working in a bubble wrap factory. Can you imagine the self control that is required?
If you`re going to be original, be prepared to be copied.
If you feel like you’re about to punch someone, take a deep breath. Then exhale as you punch to get more power.
When the machines rise up against the humans, just pray to your God that you`re nowhere near a dildo factory.
I`m not interested in anything that requires 5 hours of energy.
Apparently “finders keepers” does not include expensive cars in parking lots.
Tequila, because sometimes you and your toilet need to hug it out.
Any wife can be a trophy wife if you bring her to a Taxidermist.