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This Polo shirt as two buttoning options: Uptight Golf prick or disco chest hairs.
Apparently, walking up behind a girl in the produce isle with celery in my hand and saying "I`m stalking you" was much funnier in my head.
Just got 30 minutes of cardio trying to pick up an ice cube from the kitchen floor.
if its got tits you will get nothing but trouble !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Your mobile phone has more computing power than all of NASA in 1969. NASA launched a man to the moon. ...We launch a bird into pigs!
So, is Dora 18 yet, or what? Asking for a friend.
Pretending to be nice is exhausting...
*Australian accent* Notice the wife in her natural habitat shaming the male husband species into doing what she wants!
I did not mean to hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I just figured you already knew.
Jack daniel was found dead by johnie walker at castle strt under savanna tree,captain morgan believed dat he was killed by strongbow.his 4cuzns said that he was best in j&b club at knights...
Time to turn over a new leaf ... With my luck it’ll be poison ivy.
No, whenever there`s trouble, YOU always seem to be around ... officer.
Was that lightning? ... No, they`re taking pictures for Google Earth.
All who post weather maps on FB. You know we have the internet too, right??
Helpful Tip: Use a tortilla as a lap napkin so you can still eat all the food you spill