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2003: Fear that ppl from the internet will find me in real life. 2013: Fear that ppl from real life will find me on the internet.
pudding... thats always a funny word
Everything I ever needed to know about structural engineering, I learned from Angry Birds.
I left a note in the break room at work saying I had found five bucks. I hadn`t found any money, but it was worth five dollars to learn which of my co-workers is a lying douchebag.
Just rescued a Coca Cola that was trapped in the fridge!
went to vegas: put a coin in the machine and a prize came out, put another coin and another prize came out...problem is i don`t know what to do with all these empty cans now.
One great thing about life before the internet was if you met someone, you didn`t then have to know them the rest of your life.
I was called sexist today. So..i said i think ur mistaken...its pronounced sexy! LOL
Don’t let anyone push you around. Unless it’s in a wagon because that might actually be fun.
Not everything on CNN is fake news. Some of it is commercials.
The object of golf is to play the least amount of golf.
Before having a kid the most important thing to ask yourself is “Am I ready to watch the exact same cartoon on repeat for the next 4 years?”
The fact that this peanut butter jar states that it "Contains Peanuts" makes me extremely nervous for the human race.
Just saw two homeless guys hitting each other with a piece of cardboard................PILLOW FIGHT!!!!!!
I`m pretty sober, but I`m prettier drunk.