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one of the Olsen twins got married earlier today! when the fiance was asked "which one???" he replied "who cares???"
If I had the money I`d hire 2 private investigators to follow each other
If cats had wings, they would still just lay there.
Raise the bar..? Like go and drink upstairs..?
I wish the Microsoft Paperclip would just pop up when Iām making a questionable decision for my life.
It must be really hard to judge wet t-shirt contests. I saw one recently, and all the t-shirts looked equally wet.
I`ll make better mistakes tomorrow.
I ordered some bubble wrap online. It arrived in a box surrounded by packing peanuts.
I didn`t break the rules. They were broken when I got here.
Is anyone else`s alcohol tolerance too high for their paycheck?
I see subway employees are still having their "how much lettuce can you fit on a sandwich" contest.
I finally did it. I gave my cat a bath today. It really wasn`t that bad. She enjoyed it. I enjoyed it. Other than the fur sticking to the roof of my mouth, it went well.
"If your reading this, I think your awesome!"
Somewhere the inventor of yoga pants is near death from all the high fives and non-stop free tequila shots he gets.
Just because I`m nodding my head at appropriate times while you`re talking doesn`t mean I give a sh!t about what you`re saying..