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The word "Lovers" bums me out unless it`s between the words "Meat" and "Pizza".
Damn it. I missed the number of the day on Sesame Street and now I don`t know how many pills to take.
If you have a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: Take two, and KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN
Doing some caroling! All by myself. In people`s backyards. In the bushes. Very little singing. Mostly watching. -Bfanch
I met a girl who told me that she broke up with her last boyfriend because he just didn`t work out. Which is when I knew, she wasn`t the one for me, as I hate to work out as well.
I pretend to like people everyday. It`s called being an adult. That`s why we`re allowed to buy booze.
If I`m not back in ten minutes ... then just wait longer.
I sure did waste a lot of time as a kid practicing my autograph.
I went to the doctor for a check up and he says I`m going to live. But I think he`s wrong and it`s just a matter of time.
Be the best you can be, while being the worst that you`re able to get away with.
If you love someone, let them go, if they don`t come back..... Set them on fire *evil grin*
I`m going to switch my car insurance from Geico to Allstate, then to Statefarm, then back to Geico. If my calculations are correct, they should owe me $837
If you keep bending your iPhone 6 you`ll eventually have a sweet flip phone.
Bicyclists, it`s one thing to hog the road, but it`s quite another to expect us to know your fancy hand signals. Also, I can see your balls.
When a newscaster says; "I am live at the scene with a person who witnessed the accident," what they really mean is; "Check out this douchetard we found at the scene of this crash."