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I got kicked out of the pool today ... apperently the breaststroke isn`t what I thought it was.
Didja ever get to know someone so well, that you wish you didn`t know them at all????
Coffee...Meet your Maker!
I woke up this morning with a glass of water on my bedside table with a note saying “for hungover me” I drank it and it was vodka. Drunk me can be such an asshole!
Sometimes it’s just easier to eat the last slice of pizza than fit the box in the fridge.
Is it just me, or does this gravy I made taste like scotch? Anyway, best Thanksgiving EVER!
If I`ve learned anything from Facebook, it`s that you shouldn`t be learning on Facebook.
When I`m bored I like to call in sick to places I don`t work for. I`m getting written up at Kohls.
Dear sneeze, If you`re gonna happen, happen. Don`t put a stupid look on my face and leave
The hardest part about being an adult is trying to hide how you`re still a child.
All shoes are technically buy one get one free.
I can`t be the only one who thinks "Game on, mother f*cker" when I see an air freshner in a bathroom.
Some people`s lives are like open books... Mine is like a trashcan without a lid.
Imagine if trees gave off WiFi signals, We would be planting so many trees. And we`d probably save the planet too! Too bad they only produce the oxygen we breath :/
The best thing about my phone screen shattering is that it now matches my dreams and aspirations.