Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If I could choose any one mythological creature to become alive & real, I`d have to pick…My girlfriend.
Hey all you parents who recently named your kid Jax, We get it you`re unoriginal and watch SOA ... Hold on my daughter Grey`s Anatomy is crying.
Being an adult is mostly being exhausted, wishing you hadn`t made plans, and wondering how you hurt your back.
A wise man once told me `Never sleep with your a$$ itching.. You`ll wake up with smelly fingers`
Remember, children. The best way to get a puppy for Christmas is to beg for a baby brother.
Apparently, walking up behind a hot guy in the produce aisle with celery in my hand and whispering "I`m stalking you" was much funnier in my head.
Did you know you can buy live lobsters? Anyway, can I use your shower mine is full of lobsters.
My new girlfiend is taking forever to exist.
Apparently 50% of people prefer pizza to sex. What is wrong with people? Have they never had pizza?
Being alone with my thoughts can be quite boring unless alcohol is involved
The girl next door looks over at me, then her phone, then makes a disgusted look on her face. I think she`s just found my Facebook account
The saying, "Say no to drugs" has always made me laugh. If you`re talking to drugs, it`s probably too late to say no to them.
If someone farts at a poker tournament, no one will ever know who did it.
It takes me like three days to wake up in the morning.
I use sarcasm because flat out telling you you’re a moron is considered inappropriate and is frowned upon. And I was raised better than that.