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Please excuse me for talking while you were interrupting.
Had a big mix up at the store today... Apparently, when the woman said strip down facing me,she was referring to my credit card.
Contrary to popular belief, it`s actually the fat that makes you look fat. It was never the dress
Girl: I am not having having s@x with guys at the moment. Boy:I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue
Whoever figured out that you can make cake in a mug in under a minute was probably really going through some sh!t.
I forgot to pay my bill to the exorcist and so I got re-possesed.
I hate it when 18 wheelers blow their horns while Im driving, that sh*t wakes me up!
I will not be impressed with technology until I can download food from the internet.
You never hear skinny people saying, "I`m just small boned."
If Tetris has taught me anything it`s that errors pile up and accomplishments disappear.
It`s damn funny when a wife think`s she`s punishing her husband by not talking to him for days..
people say that sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, but it`s the only way I can talk to you.
You know you can`t say "happiness" without saying "p*nis"
The fact that you don’t find me amazing doesn’t bother me at all, it just confirms what I have suspected all along; that you have bad taste.
thinks that 100-calorie packs have just enough cookies to piss me off!!