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An awkward morning beats a boring night.
My fantasy is having two women at once...One Cooking, One Cleaning.
My favorite moment is the 5 minutes every day when coffee overlaps with wine.
Some of the nicest women you`ll meet on Facebook are men.
I would watch NASCAR if hot wheels designed the tracks.
Personally, I believe that around 93% of the world`s population should run with scissors.
Why I stay slim? I once was forced to pay for two plane tickets, one for a person who wasn`t travelling with me. That`s why.
I have 500 friends and only 499 Birthday wishes on facebook! I`ll remember that when it`s YOUR birthday #405!!!
Sometimes Google should just come back with an answer that says, `Trust me, you don`t want to know.`
Why can`t Mosquitos suck Fat instead of Blood!
If I had to describe myself with one word it would be "Doesn`t understand directions".
Why did they send me to this white room? Do they think I`m crazy? Do they think I`m ...HOLY CRAP THE WALLS ARE FLUFFY!!!
For my next trick, I’ll turn this 12 pack of beer into drunk dialing/texting.
I thought there`d be more sex during my sexual prime.
I will kill you with kindness even if I have to beat the sh!t out of you.