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My doctor told me to start watching what I eat. What channel is the Pizza Network on?
I smoked weed once and realized spoons are just little bowls on sticks
My cat’s gonna be homeless unless he comes up with something funny to post on YouTube.
Any time someone says "have you seen that YouTube video?" I always say yes......... Because otherwise they make you watch it on their phone
My give a damn is busted! Parts on backorder....
Nothing like a brisk morning jog to start the day! Just kidding! I don`t do that.
Clearly, you are a person with an open mind. I can feel the breeze from here.
After midnight, clowns aren`t funny.
My cat is wearing a cone & has learned to scoop up his food and let it slide into his mouth and it`s giving me serious ideas, folks
The differance between flirting and sexual harrassment ... If you`re attrative, it`s flirting.
My girlfriend left the lights on, on her Smart Car last night. This morning I had to jump start it with my Android.
It`s scientifically proven that stress is caused by giving a f*ck.
Remember before Amazon reviews when you could just buy a toothbrush without 6 hours of research?
I don`t always do a lot, but I put a lot of thought into it.
I`m writing this status very slowly, cause I know you guys can`t read very fast.