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I love my toilet. We`ve been through alot of sh!t together.
I like it like that
I ate a shepherd`s pie for lunch. He was pretty upset about it.
FUN THING TO WRITE ON A POST CARD: “Weather is great, having tons of fun! Are you still planning to murder your mailman?”
Nothing ruins a perfectly good mood like reality.
If I could keep it short, my life would be so much simpler.
m for Monday t for Tuesday wtf Wednesday Thursday Friday get it wtf
Hedgehogs would seem far less adorable if they had more relevant names like `Stabbyrabbit` or `Weaponrat`
Of course bears sh!t in the woods, they do most of their stuff in the woods, very few bears own a house.
I thought about exercising all day long. I am so exhausted.
Treat your mom to a margarita this mothers day! Remember you`re the reason she drinks.
My Facebook movie is already in the dollar bin at Walmart.
Reaching under the couch for something is the closest I’ll ever get to yoga.
Who ever snuck the s in "fast food" was a clever little bastard!
The Family Reunion went pretty good until they all figured out that I wasn`t related to any of them