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Surfing is a good choice for people who like skateboarding but wish it had more sharks.
There aren’t enough days in the weekend.
My salad pic. got more likes than your selfie.
There are no bad photos. That’s just how you look sometimes.
I scream, You scream, We all scream, Because grandpa forgot his hearing aids again.
I can`t be trusted with your alphabet magnets.
Inspirational status of the day: Don`t be a douche.
You don`t have to dress like you`re a handbag, unless you are Lady Gaga.
I bet short people get really excited when they accidentally hit their head on things.
When I say lol, I don`t literally mean I laughed out loud. What I actually mean is that I made a loud outward breath through my nose, similar to a bull.
The guy that figured out babies instinctively hold their breath under water probably had a lot of explaining to do.
Whew, good thing there`s a facebook petition for ending the shutdown, or else we`d be in real trouble.
I thought my life would include more impromptu sing-alongs.
I’m a fan of saying YOU’RE WELCOME really loudly when people don’t thank you.
Most days I think I understand women, but then the alcohol wears off.