Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Don’t underestimate my ability to do absolutely nothing.
Next time you think life`s not fair..think of this x large clothes cost $2 more than large so why doesn`t small cost $2 less ? Being fat ....now that`s unfair
I wish more people were fluent in silence.
Spent the morning at the farmers market carefully selecting fruits and vegetables to throw away next Saturday.
Telling a girl to calm down is like trying to baptize a cat.
My father was never proud of me. One day he asked me, "How old are you?" I said, "I`m five." He said, "When I was your age I was six."
He turned to her, ran his hand up her thigh, across her belly and down her legs. When he turned back to watch TV, she asked "Why stop?" "I found the remote!" he replied.
The responsibility of taking out the trash should be left to the person who runs out of ways to fit more trash in the bag.
Sex ed class should be listening to a baby cry for 5 hours while watching the same cartoon on repeat.
Please don`t post that political joke you just came up with. . . it really wasn`t that funny to begin with. Thanks for understanding. -the rest of us
If kindness really kills, you`ll always be completely safe around me.
Sometimes, you wonder what the hell the music video has to do with the song.
Hate cleaning my floors...how fast would I go to hell if I got a blind roommate and replaced his cane with a swiffer?
Technically, if you don`t cut the cake, it`s still just one slice.
Improve your day by ordering coffee in the voice you use for your pets.