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Laughing at your mistakes can lengthen your life. Laughing at your wife’s can shorten it.
I’m sorry I’m late. I saw a drawing of the sun wearing sunglasses and spent 4 hours wondering what the f**k he was protecting his eyes from.
Just worked out, I will spend on average 7 years of my life in the bathroom. My wife will spend on average 6.9 years of her life knocking on the door saying " are you all right in there "
Your just jealous because u don`t hear the voices.
You are intriguing. You require further stalking, sorry I mean investigation.
Until today, I thought American Horror Story was a book about marriage.
If you read the instructions carefully, the first step to making any microwavable lunch is to throw away the box and dig it out of the trash.
is it just me, or did anyone else think that we would be living like the Jetson´s by 2011?
My laptop has a Miley Virus. It`s stopped twerking.
Why do they even offer 2014 as an option when selecting your birth date? Like you’re fresh out of the womb ready to join Gmail.
at this point in life I break my life down into 2 time periods B.N and A.N....Before Netflix and After Netflix
So far my only real accomplishment in life has been not having kids.
Is it physically possible to be sad in rollerskates? Cause I think my cat`s just being dramatic.
Adulthood is basically sadness and paying bills.
if your dirty, your dirty... you cant fix it