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So I´ve narrowed it down and I´m either gonna start a motorcycle gang or take a nap.
Want the truth? Just ask a kid.
Does anyone else make transformer noises when changing sex positions? Asking for a friend.
What happens in Vegas never happens to me
There`s 3 ways to get something done: 1. Do it yourself, 2. Hire someone or 3. Forbid your kids to do it.
My doctor said I’m healthy enough for sex, just not attractive enough.
My dentist said I grind at night. I was like, ok stalker.
After midnight, clowns aren`t funny.
i was sooo funny i cracked me off.......
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. -Me with beer, me without beer
This post was going to be really funny but I didn`t write it down because I was totally sure I`d remember it.
The light does go out in the fridge ... Now I have to wait for someone to let me out.
Sometimes I wish I was an octopus so that I could slap 8 people at once.
When 12 year old girls call each other honey and sweet heart...
I just bought a house, car and a boat with no payments until 2013. Those f`ing Mayans better be right…