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I`m gonna start a secret porn industry and call it "The Illuminaughty"
I don`t like surprises so, I never open my Electric Bill or my Bank Statement.
Never assume coz u wil make an "ass" out of "u" and "me"
For those who do not know what ADHD can do to a person, let me expla.....oooh look i got a text message.
Early to bed, early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and a crappy party host.
The responsibility of taking out the trash should be left to the person who runs out of ways to fit more trash in the bag.
Sluts are just hookers with no grasp of economics.
Diet plan: make friends fatter
I hate when men`s restrooms have no urinals and a bunch of women in them.
If I was a cab driver I`d yell "ROAD TRIP" every time I got a passenger
Objects in spandex are larger than they appear
When I was a kid... No wait. I still do that.
I wasn`t born with enough middle fingers to show you how I really feel about you!
Its so hot I used my blow dryer as a cooling fan!
I wish all my freckles would just mix into a tan.