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I`m kind of clueless about pop culture. I thought "Hogwarts" was an STD
Do you ever have the urge to tell someone to shut up even when they aren`t talking?
Any perfume that claims it will help you seduce a man is lying if it doesn’t smell like a pizza.
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes that reason is you are stupid and make bad decisions.
Either my cooking’s improved or my family’s immune systems have strengthened.
I`m gaining weight for my role as "Before picture"
My girlfriend told me that I’m starting to annoy her because I relate everything to batman ... What a Joker...
Does "Can I take your order?" sometimes mean "Let`s start a new life together" or am I reading too much into this?
My worst ideas have all either started or ended with having no pants on.
Yoga is a great way to meet and embarrass yourself in front of women
My wife says I`m a clueless idiot. I didn`t even know I had a wife.
If opportunity doesn`t knock, build a door.
Breast awareness month: we stare because we care
Even hoarders throw their chapstick away if someone else uses it.
The sun and I have an understanding. He gets up before I do.