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The Shining is my favorite movie about what can happen when you spend too much time with family.
Iām probably single because I forgot to forward those chain messages from 2008.
Slut: desirable woman who has sex with someone other than yourself.
if its got tits you will get nothing but trouble !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Nothing says "I`m behind on child support." like 26" spinning rims on an 86 Chevy Malibu.
Relationship status: If I slam on my brakes really hard... The seatbelt hugs me back.
"Go left at the chopsticks in the road" - Chinese directions
Multitasking? Iām not even good at unitasking.
My fitness goal is just to get down to the weight that I lied about on my drivers license.
Every time the grocery baggers ask if I want help to my car, I feel like telling them yes and climbing in the cart.
Good for you, people that do things.
Serving size ?? LMAO
Being single is the worst sh!t ever. Being in a relationship is a close second.
How easily you`re offended is directly proportional to how dumb you are.
I`m not ignoring your calls, I just love my ringtone.