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The reason Rump Roast is called Rump Roast is because nobody would eat it if it was called Cow A$$
My life is a constant battle between my love of food and not wanting to get fat.
Next time you go to the bank and they ask you if you`d like large bills, just look at them dead serious and say "No, normal size ones if you don`t mind."
I will write something profound ... subsoil!
Sometimes entire relationships can only be described as "that weird thing I did for a while."
If you don`t give a f*ck then why you telling everybody?
Dont judge a person by the color of their skin or by the content of their character but by the shape of their eyebrows
People who walk down the escalator. Stop it, we have enough over achievers!
Engineers: "okay, so we agree the space between the seat and the console will allow people to see what they dropped but never retrieve it"
Pirates that used X to mark the spot were stupid. If they had used a G, nobody would ever have found their treasure.
If I would have known there would be a Facebook, I would have written “eff off forever” instead of “keep in touch” in your yearbook.
I know u r but what am I ?
How Big is Infinity?
You can not force anyone to love you ... The best you can do is stalk them and hope they give in :)
Ugh, stalkers are horrible. You`d think someone could`ve let me know I was out of toilet paper.