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Who needs a social life when you have Netflix and a fridge full of food?
Met a girl for a first date and quickly found out that her version of "Do you want to go downtown?" is vastly different than mine.
Someone told me I`m immature and need to grow up. Guess who`s not allowed in my treehouse now.
Everyone is gifted......But not everyone opens their present
When you`re tucking your kids in at night, read them a few select Facebook statuses, kiss them on the forehead and whisper "This is why we must stay in school."
A man made eye contact with me on the train, so I left my shoe behind ... And now, we wait...
I`m watching Godzilla tonight.... His parents asked me to babysit
I can update Facebook from anywhere. Even when crossing the stre
When I die, I want a cellphone in my coffin...just in case
The best thing about having male genitals is sharing it with people who don`t.
Today I recently discovered how to make my p@nis 12"...I just fold that b!tch in half.
This is not the status message you are looking for .... Move along
Iām positive that somewhere out there exists a video montage of me dancing alone in various elevators.
Does this floor Iām laying on make me look unmotivated?
I read that India launched a rocket to Mars the other day. That seems like a strange place to put a call center?