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The problem with frozen yogurt is that it`s not ice cream.
Attention!! Today I am traveling back in time to right some wrongs in this world. You will know I succeeded if the Germans lost WW2 and that Thursday comes before Wednesday.
Oh, I have an idea!!..oh wait, no I don`t
Remember kids- Respect your fathers! Besides, before you came out of your moms, you came out of your dad.
I need professional help. A chef and a butler will do just fine.
I eat tacos over a tortilla so that way when stuff falls out Boom another taco.
If you ever feel sad and blue, just remember that somewhere in the world, there`s a fat kid who just dropped his ice-cream.
Thought of the day! Calling me a crazy bitch will only encourage me to prove you right...
In my experience, the quickest way to escape Jury Duty? As they read out the charges, yell out, "Oh c`mon...even I`ve done THAT!"
I like to follow random families around Disneyland for a day and just be in the background of all their photos.
Some people just need a high-five. In the face. With a chair. Made of steel. Twice. From Hulk. On adrenaline rush.
I only get religious when scratching off lottery tickets.
I miss the good old days..when you could slam the phone down.!!
Some tattoo artists need to just say, "no, I`m not doing this sh!t."
Someone asked me if I`m ever scared that I`ll be alone forever, which I thought was so rude because my cat was right there.