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That awkward moment when your sarcasm is so advanced people think you`re stupid.
This complimentary lemonade at the doctor`s office tastes funny.
Home is where the bag filled with plastic bags filled with plastic bags filled with plastic bags is.
This post is just for you.
I should eat more healthy, but we all saw how that whole apple thing went for Adam & Eve.
It’s actually the voices outside my head that bothers me the most
The baby gets furious when I try to undress him. Must get that from his mother.
REMEMBER: If you start to hear banjos, get the hell outta there!
I`m no super genius, but I bet the most effective way to lose "baby weight" is to have the baby.
I bet all those girls that ignored me in high school would still be pretty pleased with that decision.
This movie has "adult content"? So, they`re gonna complain about back pains and setting up a 401k?
Home is where the pants aren’t.
I snuck popcorn into the movie theatre but they won`t let me use their microwave.
“I don’t watch TV” proudly says a person who spends 8 hours a day on the internet.
I`ve been texting so much lately that I move my thumbs from side to side when I`m actually talking to someone.