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Honestly, I have no idea what the f*ck I`ll do with 5 hours of energy.
Driving would be much more entertaining if there were no yellow lights.
I love my work, but I would also love to never have to do it again.
I wonder who the first person was to look at a beehive and think, "those bastards are hiding something delicious in there, I know it!"
Whats the best part about dating a homeless chick, ..... You can drop her off anywhere
Does Facebook have a “You’re not smart enough to be talking about politics” button?
My Grandma would be pissed if she found out how many times she`s died so I could get out of having to go somewhere
If you have alphabet fridge magnets and morals, you probably shouldn`t invite me over.
I`m placing myself in "time-out" until I`m able to play nice with others! This may take a few hours as there are stupid people everywhere!
The New iPhone 7 is coming out in August. If you want a sneak peek of the new iPhone. Take a look at your current iPhone and pretend it cost 200 dollars more.
Make your girlfriend scream your name, leave the toilet seat up.
When someone rings the doorbell I say to my kids, "I think it`s Santa Claus!" so I don`t have to get up.
If I was stuck on a desert island with only one record, I would want it to be the record for being able to swim the farthest.
You seem to be very educated on the things you make up.
If I was just learning English and you told me a sport called BOXING takes place in a SQUARE area called a RING, I`d probably give up.