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Quite honestly, Officer, I wouldn`t have even pulled over had I known all you were going to do was criticize my driving.
Cop: This is a ticket for drunk and disorderly behavior. Me: Can I have another? I`d love to bring a guest.
Let`s lay in bed all day & trade sexual favors for trips to the fridge
My tombstone will probably say, "Dead, but finally sober".
wishes life would hand me lemons especially today.. that way I`d have something to throw at the people that are pissing me off
* feels winds of change * realizes it`s just a hole in my shorts
Dating should be like buying a car... You should get to talk to the previous owners! SHOW ME THE MANFAX
Sometimes I get so mad at myself for being too lazy that I don`t even do anything about it.
Maybe it`s inappropriate for the first date but if there`s a maze on the menu I`m asking for crayons.
I hope you all have a prosperous New Year ... I may have to borrow money.
drinking 2% milk, wondering what the other 98% is...
I watched my first porn movie today. I looked so much younger back then.
I Like this quote. I dislike this quote. I am so clever that sometimes I don´t understand a single word of what I am saying.
Depresso; the feeling you get when you`ve run out of coffee.
Maybe the government just needs to control/alt/delete and then restart in safe mode.