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*Me washing my car* Person: Hey what’s up? Washing your car? Me: No, I’m watering it to see if it’ll grow into a bus.
I just found out cock fighting is done with roosters and now it feels like this 6 months of training has been wasted.
My hatred for Nicki Minaj probably stems from my fear of clowns.
The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn`t for any religious reasons. They couldn`t find three wise men and a virgin.
My shrink says if I take these pills I won`t see you guys anymore.
am updating my status just to let you know my status has no status
Pretending to be nice is exhausting...
I used to think i was good at multi-tasking. Turns out its just my multiple personalities doing one task at a time.
Likes doing tokyo drifts with the shopping carts when I round the corner of each isle at Walmart.
Yet another advantage of being single. All I bring to Thanksgiving is empty Tupperware...
I`ll be glad when it`s warm enough to pee outside!
You know I feel the frustration that The Skipper endured because there are days that I too am surrounded by Gilligans
There is no time to check time
The early bird gets the worm. But the second mouse gets the cheese.
I don`t even understand Fantasy Football. There are no Dragons, Wizards, or hot ass Elven chicks. I call bullsh!t.