Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If a guy runs his fingers through your hair, there is a 33.3% chance you are being used as a napkin.
Life is basically trying to meet better people than the ones you currently know.
Collecting my thoughts… I almost have a whole set! ;)
Texting typos can change your life. "Having a great time wish you were her"
Insomnia sharpens your math skills because you spend all night calculating how much sleep you`ll get if you`re able to "fall asleep right now."
I don`t exactly have a "to do" list. I have what you might call "If I ever log off Facebook and feel like getting around to doing it" list.
I said "Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don`t." but the judge didn`t buy it.
I`d kill for a microwave that plays Europe`s “The Final Countdown” during the last 30 seconds.
If being an a$$hole was a professional sport, my face would be on a box of wheaties.
The guy that figured out babies instinctively hold their breath under water probably had a lot of explaining to do.
Not to brag, but my antics at work resulted in several items being added to the employee manual.
What is depression? Depression is when you buy a new hula-hoop and it fits you.
It`s funny how things change when you get older. It seems like just yesterday I would spend my evenings on the front porch and treat myself to some killer weed. Now I spend my
Those "Speed Enforced by Aircraft" signs don`t understand how eager I am to get pulled over by an F-16.
Back in the day, Mom gave us two dinner choices. What she cooked or jack sh!t....