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I`m at my most relaxed around dogs and prescription drugs.
The weekend went by and I don’t remember any of it. That’s a good thing right?
I laid awake all night again worrying about why I’m always so tired.
Unless life hands you water and sugar, your lemonade is gonna suck.
Does anyone else make transformer noises when changing sex positions? Asking for a friend.
When someone says I love you over the phone and you don`t feel the same, just say `I love youtube` but say it really fast!
If you`ve Liked more than 15 of my posts over the past year, I assume you`re okay with me putting you down as a personal reference on this job application, k?
is it just me, or did anyone else think that we would be living like the Jetson´s by 2011?
I did a half hour on the treadmill each day last week. This week, I`m up to 1 hour a day. I`m slowly building up to actually turning it on some time in the future.
Being stuck in the`` friend zone`` is like an employer refusing you for a job and calling you to complain about the person he hired.
Driving isn`t even in the top 5 things I`m thinking about when I`m driving.
Guys just want a virgin porn star and girls just want a dangerous safe guy.
Do you really have to breath that much?
Daylight Saving Time rocks. It even makes laziness sound impressive. I did nothing for 24 hours? Not today. I did nothing for 25 hours!
I think the lady at the movies is "shushing" me, but I can`t tell because I`m eating Doritos.