Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
You know it`s been a good day when you finally take your pajamas off - and put some new ones on.
Sometimes I don`t go big just so I can go home.
I`d say I`m not a morning person but I`m really not sure I`m an evening person either.
Give a kid a Pop Tart and they eat for a day. Teach a kid how to make a Pop Tart and you sleep in all summer
If a man says something in the woods.. And there are no women there.. Is he still wrong? O_o
Just changed my wireless network name in my apartment to "I can hear you having sex through the ceiling and it sounds mediocre."
When people I don’t know ask me what I do for a living I shout “Karma,” and punch them before running away.
90% of adulthood is just deleting emails.
Grown up pandas eat for 12 hours a day. In related news, it turns out I’m not fat. I’m a panda.
Someday, the time I waste deciding what to watch on Netflix will be shorter than the actual time watching it
Unless life also gives you sugar and water, your lemonade`s gonna suck!
If guns don’t kill people, but people kill people, then doesn’t that mean that toasters don’t toast toast, but instead toast toasts toast?
You`re always ahead of schedule when it comes to disappointing me.
This status update is a test. It is only a test. Had this been an actual emergency, we would have fled in terror and you would not have been notified.
How long do I have to lay on the couch in the same position before I can call it "yoga"?