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There aren’t enough days in the weekend.
I may have just inadvertently accomplished something.
I didn`t want to grow up; I just wanted to be able to reach for the cookies.
"Being naked isn`t fun" - said no one ever.
Sometimes I order fajitas at a restaurant just to get more attention.
If a woman repeats what you just said in the form of a question, you`ll be dead soon.
Dogs love you even if you’re ugly.
I bet strippers look forward to that feeling of getting home and wearing a bra after a long day at work.
We must STOP the driver of that bus that everyone keeps getting thrown under!
I declare today, “Hit that dumb person you’ve always wanted to punch in the face day.”
Whenever I see a celebrity photobomb, I`m like, that`s so relatable. I too constantly ruin moments and think I`m more fun than I actually am
Twerking is the crocs of dancing.
My coffee was so hot this morning it came along with an ugly friend.
I`m telling you, Godzilla must have feet made of steel. I step on a Lego and can`t walk for a month.
I`ve spent three hours investigating this chicken and I still can`t find his nuggets.