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That awkward moment when You accidentally hit the LIKE button During Facebook stalking.
Don`t sweat the small stuff. Don`t sweat the medium or large stuff either. Stop perspiring on everything. Take your sweaty a$$ elsewhere.
I wash once and dry 3-4 times, depending on how much I want to delay folding my clothes.
Ever seen a person so disgusting you hold your breath when you walk by them? Yea I have.
Worrying is a waste of time. It doesn’t change anything. It messes with your mind & steals your happiness.
The only real difference between my 20s and my 30s is that now I make all my bad decisions before midnight.
Stalking is such a strong word. I perfer the term surveillance expert.
Only a few years ago, the average parents had four children. Nowadays, the average child has four parents.
Anyone notice the irony behind “hyphenated” and “non-hyphenated”?
Nobody looks back on their life and remembers the nights they had plenty of sleep.
If there is not an open bar and a delicious cake at your wedding, I will take my gift card to Walmart back.
How to find the perfect wife: Play monopoly with her. if she chooses the iron, she`s the one.
You don`t appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things, like being spanked every day by a middle aged woman. Stuff you pay good money for in later life.
Today I recently discovered how to make my p@nis 12"...I just fold that b!tch in half.
It´s never to late to be happy