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This debt collector was just so surprised I answered my phone that they stuttered and hung-up lmao!!
If your roommate never walked in on you naked, you`re not naked near enough.
I screamed a Brazilian times during that waxing.
Your mobile phone has more computing power than all of NASA in 1969. NASA launched a man to the moon. ...We launch a bird into pigs!
Hate when my GF asks me to hold her purse at the grocery store line cause I really don`t like being that guy holding two purses.
The only problem with sarcasm is, it only works on intelligent people.
Felt like being Bad today, like an Outlaw Bad, felt like doing something illegal, so I ran through the house ripping off all the Mattress Tags..... Come and get me Coppers, but you won`t take me alive.......................
I wish I could get excited as a redneck drinking cheap beer and watching cars go around in circles for hours.
How can I learn to be more patient? (I`m only interested in quick-fix solutions with immediate results please)
Even if women came with an instructions manual men still wouldn`t read it.
Being stuck in the`` friend zone`` is like an employer refusing you for a job and calling you to complain about the person he hired.
Why do people ask "What the hell were you thinking?" Obviously I was thinking I was going to get away with it and not have to explain it.
Based on the number of smoke breaks they take, Iām pretty sure the only reason my co-workers have a job is to pay for their cigarettes.
Illiterate? Well then sign up today for free online reading classes!
I hope daylight savings time doesnt throw me off my schedule of doing nothing.