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Most of being an adult is marveling at the date and saying how fast the year is going by.
I need a keyboard shortcut for "sorry it`s taken me so long to reply to your text..."
You call the shots. I`ll drink them.
Tequila... cuz the bed isn`t goin to spin itself!
“Knock him out.” – Mama
I think today I`ll stalk my stalker, just to shake things up a little.
Rescue helicopters should have white lights at the end of their blade so when they spin it looks a halo.
( )( ) =( `-` )= <( . )> ("`)("`) bunny!!
If I look tired at the end of the day, it`s because I just spent eight solid hours looking busy.
I’ve been single so long I deserve a bachelors degree.
Say goodbye to your girlfriends cause I just bought a book on magic tricks
For over 20 years, I thought Bon Jovi gave love a Band-Aid
I think my new Stress Management plan is going to be alcoholism.
I am NOT high maintenance, I simply have more preferences than most.
"There are singles in your area." - me telling a stripper she forgot some money on the floor