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The story of George Washington chopping down the cherry tree is my favorite tale of honesty, integrity, and giving a child an ax
Sometimes when i`m following a recipe and it says to bake at 350 degrees, I will turn it up to 355 just to be a rebel.
I`m only 2 girls short of a threesome.
Shouldn`t there have been one scene in The Karate Kid where Daniel`s mom was like "Why are you constantly in that old man`s shed?"
I don`t need to go to church in order to feel ashamed of myself on Sunday morning.
’Friday’ is my second favourite word starting from the letter `F`. :)
I quit my job with the Dept of Corrections. That place was like a prison...
I hate it when TV shows say they contain "adult situations" but then don`t show anyone going to a job they hate, and paying their bills.
I`ll tell you what`s wrong with modern society. Nobody ever drinks out of the skulls of their enemies anymore.
Unless my horoscope says, "You will dread going to work and will most likely masturbate," then it is a crock of sh*t.
Put your gossiping skills to the test, go write a novel...
My insomnia is getting worse. I was wide awake all day at work yesterday.
I like how the package for cotton swabs says don`t put them in your ears and everyone in the world is thinking: "WTF else would I do with them?!"
I was wondering why some couples don`t go to the gym together but I guess some relationships just don`t work out...
just realised MR OWL ATE MY METAL WORM is exactly the same backwards