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If she can cook like her mother and drink like her father, she`s a keeper.
I dont want to sound like a badass or anything but I play Wii without the wrist strap on....
Every Scooby-Doo episode would literally be two minutes long if the gang went to the mask store first and asked a few questions.
Sometimes when I wave my hands in the air, I actually do care.
Pain makes you stronger. Tears make you braver. A broken heart makes you wiser. And alcohol makes you not remember any of that sh!t.
Progress is made by lazy people looking for an easier way to do things
Sometimes I take a bath because it’s hard to drink wine in the shower.
Does anyone have like twenty thousand dollars they don’t want? Asking for myself.
Happy National hear fireworks all day and night set off by Drunk People you wouldn`t trust with a Glo-Stick Day.
A fun thing to yell at a magic show is "BURN HIM, HE`S A WITCH"
I`d publish my autobiography but it`s just a bunch of liquor stained pages filled with doodles, and rants about stupid people.
People keep thinking that I care ... Wierd.
Whenever I feel all alone in the world, I remind myself that I`m a valued customer at several grocery stores.
A Shout Out to all the beautiful women who don`t need to dress half naked to get a man`s attention. Stay classy! The rest of you, come with me.
I like to listen to mexican radio but I dont know what they are singing or saying so I just pretend they are singing about how awesome I am.