Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My iPhone autocorrected "wish you were here" to "wish you were beer" ... I sent it anyways.
If you have a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: Take two, and KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN
I make way more decisions than I should based on the battery life of my phone.
Mrs Bieber.... WHY U NO USE CONDOM?
Homeless people should make more creative signs like "I bet you can`t hit me with a quarter...b!tch!"
I don`t understand why you guys complain about never being able to finish a tube of chapstick, it usually only takes me 2 or 3 bites.
There are two ways to go about arguing with a woman and neither one works.
I`m a little stumped by this beer to pee volume ratio.
I think it’s funny when dogs hide under the bed when they’re scared. I’m like “you idiot, that’s the first place monsters go!”
The tragedy of Scooby-Doo is that whoever kept supplying criminals with such realistic prosthetic masks was never caught.
The only thing I drink from a shot glass nowdays is Maalox.
The five stages of Sunday: depression, anger, bargaining, acceptance, Netflix
I was asked what I would give the woman who has everything? Well…my phone number for a start.
Marry someone who can cook. Love fades, hunger doesn`t.
Friends who buy you food are friends for life.