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The ceiling fan DOES NOT make a good lettuce shredder....
If I told you I was a pathological liar, would you believe me?
Separating the men from the boys, one mood swing at a time.
Went to my friends house with my girlfriend today. As we walked in I noticed her phone automatically connected to his wifi. That f*cking slut.
Stupidity should be painful...really!!!
Question: : What do you get if you add human DNA to a goat? ... Answer: Kicked out of the petting zoo
What’s the answer to this question?
shoutout to people who have money but still order off the dollar menu
I was asked what I would give the woman who has everything... Well, my phone number for a start.
I dream about naps.
Never ask a woman who is eating ice cream straight from the carton how she’s doing.
It`s 2013. With all the hormones in food and advances in medical technology, why are there still girls with less than C cup boobs?
It takes patience to listen. It takes skill to pretend you’re listening.
You know you should goto sleep when the sheep you`re counting start hitting the fence.
If you really can make $10,000 a month working from home why would anyone take the harder job of nailing those signs to trees?