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Pornography only gets called by its full name when it`s in trouble too.
This lady in Walgreens is staring at me like she`s never seen anyone put on deodorant and then put it back on the shelf.
Making everyone happy is impossible. But pissing them off is a piece of cake. I really like cake.
is frickin awesome! Nough Said.
You never realize what you have till its gone... Toilet paper is a good example.
I always thought a chickpea was just when girls go to the bathroom in groups.
People who describe things as “better than sex” are having the wrong kind of sex.
I love talking about nothing. It’s the only thing I know anything about.
To make it stand, you wet it. To make it wet, you suck it. To make it stiff, you lick it. To get it in, you push it. Threading a needle isn`t easy.
A man is as faithful as his options
I miss my ex a lot... but my aim is getting better.
You can either be right, or you can be the husband.
B!tch Please, your only fan is the one on your ceiling.
My parents never asked me to run away from home, but there were many unexplained one way tickets.
Wait, whaddya mean... cookie dough can be baked? Seriously?