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Why is it socially acceptable to wear a bikini at the beach but not on the bus? At the end of the day I’m just a guy in a bikini on the bus.
I`m old enough to remember when cell phones actually got smaller every year.
The most annoying are those people in great shape at the gym…. I’m like, “What are you doing here? You’re done.”
Sometimes you can tell it’s going to be a bad day when someone you don’t like is smiling.
It`s so cold out, I just seen a woman in 2 pairs of pajamas at Walmart...
If I ignored you any harder, we`d be married.
I wanna steal a Krispy Kreme truck and go on a high speed chase just because it`d be funny to watch a bunch of cops chase a donut truck
I was shocked when I heard the local Radio Shack is closing. Mostly because I had no idea we had one.
I think eating is my kind of sport.
Why am I always right but people still ignore me...?
I changed siri to a male voice and now my car keeps taking me to strip clubs and auto parts stores
Just realized all books are different combinations of the same 26 letters. This is BS!
I have discovered that theirs no popcorn in popcorn chicken. I guess there`s no point in bothering with hash browns then.
You can never lose a homing pigeon. If your homing pigeon doesn`t come back, what you`ve lost is a normal pigeon.
Now that cell phones are becoming more and more waterproof, pretty soon it will be okay to push people into pools again...