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Please don`t wear skinny jeans if you don`t have skinny genes.
what if the princess wants to be with bowser, but mario keeps kidnapping her
Last year in college football Alabama beat Arkansas, Tennessee, and Auburn. Those teams coaches all resigned. Any chance of Alabama playing agsinst the White House this year?
No one is ever bored enough to start studying.
The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. At least, that`s what the restraining order says.
It`s a serious Lego project when the 1st thing my 5yo does is take off his shirt and gets me a beer from the fridge.
A court date is still technically a date, right?
I try to live each day like it`s my last, which is why I rarely have clean socks. Who wants to wash socks on the last day of their life?
I’m always in a rush to get home so I can do absolutely nothing.
Buy all your socks in one color - problem of the missing sock solved!
Due to the rising cost of ammunition I will no longer be able to provide a warning shot. Thanks for your understanding.
I’m not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they’d come up sliced.
I licked some of the frosting, but then I just ate the whole cake. No evidence. Problem solved.
Let It Snow is my favorite song about people who don`t understand how weather works.
Today we salute Vodka~ruining family reunions and supporting hilarious `hold my drink` moments for 50 years...