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New Rule: If I hold the door open for you and you walk by without thanking me I am guaranteed at least one attempt at trying to trip you.
Sometimes, late at night in the market..i switch up all the color tubes in the hair dye kits.
I was thinking about selling my old phone but I think it knows too much.
Remember kids, NEVER light fireworks. Let the adults, who have been drinking all day, light them instead!
So you think you can study with your facebook activated? That`s cute! ^.^
When I say "It’s a long story" It usually means I just don’t want to tell you it.
It`s possible you drank too much if you have to wait until your court appearance to find out what the hell happened that night
Dark humor is like sex, not everybody always gets it.
If life was easy, we wouldn`t need alcohol.
You actually have friends? Yeah bro, all 10 seasons on DVD.
Have you ever just sat there and realized how weird you are?
My mom says I`m special.
Tip for Sunday Church: Don`t forget to keep your phones on silent, especially if your ringtone is `I like big butts and I do not lie!`
Education is a process where we waste one half of our life learning how to waste the other half of our life!!
A father is someone who carries pictures where his money used to be.