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More food should come with prizes inside it.
One man`s sarcastic answer, is another man`s stupid question
All the guys in working out photos look like they`re straining or in pain, but there`s lots of pictures of me with cake and I look happy. Just saying.
You’d think that with as much time as women spend looking at their ass in the mirror they would be able to reverse into a parking spot.
In my porno they`d deliver the pizza after they had sex because otherwise it`d just get cold.
Not All Of The `Goodbyes` Are Sad (eg. * Goodbye School * Goodbye Work)
Exercise makes you look better naked. Alcohol does the same, you pick..
Marriage: When dating goes too far.
I`d bite my nails less if there wasn`t always chocolate frosting under them.
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody is there to appreciate it.
I wish I could get excited as a redneck drinking cheap beer and watching cars go around in circles for hours.
I’ve taken off my pants in most malls that I’ve been to.
It’s so nice outside I should probably close the blinds so there isn’t a glare on my screen.
I’m looking up in the sky and I have no idea which cloud has all my data
I’m so glad I was young and stupid before there were camera phones.