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I`ve ended up encountering much less porridge than I had expected I would as a child.
I came across 3 snakes while mowing the yard today, but those of you in North America already know that because you heard me scream
If you`ve never played Tetris, you`re probably useless at loading a dishwasher
Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, get wasted all the time and have the time of your life!
Don`t you love followers that don`t acknowledge your existence. Its so cute. Its like I have tiny marriages all over the world.
I don`t speak Spanish, but I`m pretty sure "Dora" means "annoying"
When choosing a name for your daughter, imagine her being announced in a strip club. If she doesn`t need a stage name, pick something else.
I try to find the good in every situation. I meant “food.” I try to find the food in every situation.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats
Shouting "Shotgun" will get you the front seat of a car or a heap of cash if you whisper it to a cashier.
Can`t we all just hit a bong?
If you have a parrot and you don’t teach it to say,”Help, they’ve turned me into a parrot”, you are wasting everybody’s time.
Looks don’t matter to me if you’re attractive.
It`s amazing how different the phrases "alcohol free" and "free alcohol" are.