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life is unfair theres 6 days between monday and sunday but only 1 between sunday and monday
I was fighting with this gal over who is lazier. I let her win.
Wow!!, What a day..I volunteered at a soup kitchen, mowed my lawn, went to 2 Birthday parties, ran 6 miles, then told a bunch of lies on Facebook.
Netflix doesn’t care if u showered or not
My friends most commonly describe me as "who?"
I hate to choose sides, but if forced, I`ll aggressively side with the person paying my bar tab.
THESE NACHOS ARE THE BOMB! …..and that’s how I got my nachos taken away at the airport.
Why isn`t there a reality show called "Security Cams of Walmart?"
Can someone`s face be a pet peeve?
If Trump wins I`m leaving the country. If Hillary wins I`m leaving the country. This is not a political post, I just want to go on vacation.
"A vodka, please" "Sir, this is McDonald`s" "OK, a McVodka, please and super size it."
It`s important to teach your children math so they can better understand what episode of Star Wars they are watching.
Looks like I’m in the doghouse again, but I don’t know why. All I said to the wife was, “Is there anything important you want to tell me before the World Cup starts?”
You know a guy likes you when his pants give you a thumbs up ;)
I once dated a woman who thought windmills were solar powered. I`m so glad I don`t drink anymore.