Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Screw it, I’m starting Friday now.
The awkward moment when you’re running and your boobs are bouncing …. and you’re a guy.
If you just got invited to do something on New Year`s Eve, it means someone else cancelled.
I got kicked out of my Community Theater group when the director asked to see me limp. How was I to know he was talking about walking??
As I said before, I never repeat myself.
I want the job where you push scared skydivers out of planes.
?"I hate when people come to MY house, knock on MY door, and then give me the "why aren`t you wearing pants" look."
A true man is one who leaves his wife alone in cold weather and goes to watch football.
You call it "Road Rage". I call it "Aggressively maneuvering around a$$holes that don`t know how to f*cking drive."
Don`t you just a hate it when you stumble into bed drunk only to be nagged by someone screaming "Get out" or "You live next door!"
I was discussing with my friend about the popular trends on sex, marriage and values. He says to me, "I didn’t sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?" I replied. "I’m not sure, what was her maiden name?"
My house is not a mess. It`s just that everything is on display for your viewing pleasure. Like a museum.
I think it’s funny when dogs hide under the bed when they’re scared. I’m like “you idiot, that’s the first place monsters go!
what do you mean booze ain`t food!?
Dear Social Media, thanks for showing me that I can like people. So long as I don`t have to see, touch, or smell them.